I am not who I was, but I am who I am, and I probably will be who I was...

I've discovered some pretty interesting changes in myself over the past year and a bit.

I'm not talking about the standard "My priorities changed because now I have something to live for" changes, although those exist. Specifically, I'm talking about death and violence. For years, I've loved Tarantino movies, and I followed Dexter religiously. Lots of death and violence in those shows, and it never really affected me much. I recognized it as a plot device and understood that liking artistic depictions of violence is not the same as being violence, or liking violence. My favourite books have always featured dirty settings and flawed characters. I've loved the romance of tragedy my whole life. You can't have a history degree without liking a good war story, right?

Now, I try to like those things, but they've changed. I still watch Dexter and Sons of Anarchy, but the feeling is different. It's almost like I fast-forward the death parts and focus more on the characters and stories. The stuff that's normally covered up by the sexy violence and death. And you know what? Shows like those still hold up for me because I'm invested in the characters.

I got a Blu-Ray player for Christmas, and I started building my movie collection again in a new format. I have a bunch of Tarantino moves, and a personal guilty pleasure, Boondock Saints. Another wonderful Christmas gift? I got the Game of Thrones box-set of books.

And they're all still wrapped in plastic (except Reservoir Dogs. I loaned that one to a friend who'd never seen it). I love those movies, and they're a big part of my history as a pop-culture junkie. I'll probably keep them forever, but for the moment, I don't have any desire to watch them.

Why, you ask? Well, the romantic in me says it's because I choose to believe in a make-believe world that is much brighter, and where happy endings are the norm. I want to make a world like that for my daughter, no question. And right now, I'm having trouble reconciling the old me and the new me.

I think I'll probably end up desensitized again, and I have no doubt I'll watch lots of TV, movies, and read books filled with violence because that's a kind of romance that I will always enjoy.

Again, time to pull the plug, before I run on too much.

Soundtrack: Sports Radio. Go Dogs Go!