My dad died ten years ago this week, and I've been thinking about him a lot in the past few days.
He never saw me become the guy I am now.
That's sad in general when someone loses a parent, but it's doubly sad because I feel more of a connection now than I ever did before. I'm a father, and by any objective view, a damn good one. I cheer my little girl's soccer goals, I play under the blanket in our submarine when we're going to visit Ariel. But I also scold her. I scare her straight when she needs it, and everything I do in this world, I do for her.
This is the version of me that's most comfortable. it just fits. this is what I was always supposed to be. the guy who hangs around her every chance I have, not to protect her or to supervise her, but because it's where I'm happiest. I wish my dad could know the version of "me" that I've become. I think he'd really like me.
My dad and I had a weird relationship, and for a good chunk of my life, he wasn't really present. But as adults, we connected and became friends. I can honestly say, I never thought as a teenager that his passing would have this effect on me, but it has. As an adult, my perspective has changed, and I'm very grateful for the time we had.
We have another child coming, and I'm convinced it'll be another girl. I joke about wanting a boy for the purposes of democracy, but I'm almost positive it's going to be a girl. The only thing that disappoints me about having another girl is that I won't be able to name her Frank.
Soundtrack: NFL Radio. Gotta get ready to defend my fantasy title!
